Departure
by PastellRain
Summary: It seems so unreal. To be seeing you like this. You were always so strong. Now I can barely feel that energy radiating from you anymore. Now you just look like you'd crumble away at any moment. Candela/Blanche, possibly just friends. Inspired heavily by pSilence's Vocaloid fanfiction, Last Exit. NOW A SHORT SERIES. TW: Suicide, character death.
1. Chapter 1

**TW: This story has heavy themes of suicide, and major character death. Read at your own discretion. I'd really hate to ruin anyone's day.**

* * *

**This fic is heavily inspired by the Vocaloid fanfiction Last Exit by pSilence. **I read it and cried so much for two days. It moved me, yet it was so, so sad. If you enjoyed this here story, (which I doubt you will since it's kinda shabby), then go read pSilence's Last Exit (provided you arent too sad!) It's really well-written angst and you don't need any prior knowlege about Vocaloid to understand it. It has the same concept and premise. I tried doing it justice but I don't think I did.

**This story takes place in a normal, everyday AU.** No fantastical creatures called Pokémon are to be seen here.

I didn't write this with the intention of being edgy or to romanticize suicide. I just felt like writing the angst genre and broadening my topics.

You can interpret Candela's relationship with Blanche as either just friends, or maybe as a crush or love.

* * *

...

It all just seems so unreal. To be seeing you like this.

You were always so strong.

But now... I can barely feel that energy radiating from you anymore. That spark of poise and grace you've always had. You were the strong and silent type. Now you just look like you'd crumble away at any moment. But deep down I know you must still be fighting it. After all, that's what you've been doing for the past year or so.

You just happened to slip up a bit and make a mistake back there. That's what I keep telling myself. Everyone slips up sometimes. I'm sure when you wake up, things will begin to turn around. If not, I'll make them turn around. And I promise I'll never let you go again.

...

You are going to come back, right?

Ba-dum...

The monitor speeds up a bit. I can hear it, your breathing.

It sounds like you're in pain. My heart can barely take it.

Blanche, please.

Look what you did to yourself. Look what you did to me.

...It hurts.

...No... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have just thought that.

You obviously must hurt more. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't have done this.

I'm sorry.

I just miss you. I miss when you were you. I miss the days we spent together.

Your pained breathing stops, and I feel relieved. Your heartbeat slows back to normal, and I gently cup your hand within both of mine.

...Hey, remember how we met? That day long ago in 9th grade where we got chosen together for a group project in front of the entire class? Gosh. Remember their reactions? The class was laughing at us. At me, I mean. Because you were so smart, and I was practically the dumbest kid in the school. And yet we were chosen to work on a big project together.

I guess I could understand why the class was laughing. Because the accomplished genius in the class was paired up with the class idiot. Me. But I was also ready to kick everyone's asses. But I didn't. I froze. The teacher was watching anyway. I just sat there feeling humiliated.

I remember later that day, you came up to me during lunch and asked me if I was okay, but in your own way.

You came to me, telling me not to worry about the project. You told me that I could do it if I tried, and that you'd help me with it the best you could. You offered to help me study. And well... that was the first time someone believed in me, really.

You were really quiet. But I understood you were trying to make me feel better. And it worked. But I never even properly thanked you.

Remember how I used to always sit alone like some sort of loser before you came around?

You really were the first person who saw through my ugly temper. I was such a mess back then. I was immature, I was unorganized... I was the total opposite of you. I couldn't do anything right. But you were the one who told me all these things I didn't know about myself.

Now I wish I could do the same for you. I know there's a lot of things you know, Blanche. You were known as the Queen of Knowledge after all. But I know a lot of things you don't know too.

...They're mostly about you.

But now I can't tell you those things. Because I'm too late.

If only you'd wake up...

Ba-dum.

The monitor slows a bit, and I hold my breath. I whisper your name and squeeze your hand gently. I want to squeeze tighter, but I'm afraid of hurting you.

If I could, I'd squeeze you so tight that we'd never be separated.

...

Blanche, I know one of the things you told me was how good a friend I was. But if that were really true, I probably would've picked up on it much earlier. That something was wrong, I mean. Wrong enough to lead you to doing this.

...I did start to notice something different about you when we started 11th grade though. You became a lot more serious for a start. But I thought it was normal at the time. We were in the second half of high school after all. Maybe I needed to step it up and be more like you so I wouldn't fall behind.

But then you stopped coming to my house after that Christmas. Was that when it happened?

Was there something you couldn't tell me? You know, you could've just come to me. Remember when I kept kicking those bullies' asses for you last year even though it made my reputation in school even worse? I didn't care much about that though. I just wanted you to be safe and happy the way I do now.

Because you were always there for me, and I always wanted to be there for you too.

Which is why it's been two days since I've been home, or done anything really. My entire life is basically on hold, and it will be on hold until I know for sure you'll be okay.

Because well... I can't imagine living life without you.

Ba-dum.

...

I hated seeing you getting bullied. I didn't understand why either. Why you got bullied, I mean. I think they were jealous because you were smart, good at science, fluent in French, and amazing at math. And pretty, and cool. I really think that, by the way. You just weren't very good with people. Your approach was to try to ignore the bullies, but they just kept at it. You were trying your hardest not to let their comments get to you, and tried so hard to keep a straight face. But I always could tell they were hurting you.

I know you're not very good with people, but well, you had the courage to get close to me! Considering how scary they thought I was at the time for being so tall, tomboyish, and hot-headed, I consider that true bravery right there.

But me? I was never really good with finding the right words. I was never good at cheering people up. All I usually did was accidentally make things worse. When you came to me crying, which you never did in front of anyone else, I tried my best to cheer you up, but then I always suggested something you didn't want to do, like sing karaoke.

I knew you were shy. But I think you really would've been happier if you sang out your feelings. It would've helped you come out of your shell too. I remember how much you would genuinely smile whenever I dragged you to the mall to hang out together, even though you were hesitant to do it at first. Also, did I ever tell you I always thought your voice was super pretty? Especially when you spoke that French you were fluent in.

Your voice... It pains me to think about never hearing it again. It was my comfort sound.

Ba-dum.

I wonder if people at school are wondering where we are. Practically everyone knew we were friends. I mean, are friends. I need to quit using past-tenses.

You and I both know, because that's part of why we got teased so much. Because we're so different, yet we're best friends.

In fact, we're like a team. When we're together, I've noticed, we kind of create a balance. I'm sporty and you're brainy. I'm emotionally charged and you're so calm and collected and tend to keep things inside. But well... you were actually kind of scary that one time you got angry. I was surprised. When someone in our class talked to you, putting me down, you got so angry at them and defensive over me... I felt so touched, to be honest. I guess we're really more alike than we seem.

But why couldn't you have taken that same anger out on the people who bullied you? You stood up for me. Now you should stand up for yourself.

Ba-dum.

You have this habit of keeping things inside. I know that. You've been doing that since I first met you. So many people always joked that you didn't have emotions or whatever. But I know that isn't true. There was always so much on your mind. So many things shrouding your brain. Was that what drove you to do this to yourself? All those painful thoughts... I can't imagine how much they must've hurt.

It pains me to think you thought you were worthless. Because you weren't. You had so much going for you. So much to stay alive for.

It felt so long since that horrible night a couple days ago. It must've been even worse for you though.

You didn't talk to me the whole day. It wasn't like you. You walked around in a gloomy daze like you just didn't care about anything. I was so worried. After school I texted you, but you wouldn't respond.

That evening, I got the call. From your father. I couldn't keep it in when I found out you were in the hospital. I never imagined you'd do this for real.

There's so much about you I wish I could've known. So much about you I wish you could've told me. I wanted it to hear it from only you. Because you're my best friend in the entire world. I would've given so much of me if it meant saving you. Because honestly you're worth so much more than me. I'm just an awful person who couldn't even save you to begin with.

I just wish we got to spend more time together. I wish we could've talked more.

I wish we could've laughed more. I wish we could've dreamed more.

I wish... I wish we could've become more. Even better friends than we are now.

I miss you already.

I glance over to you again. For the last time.

No... You look so still... so still... like you're a statue lying in repose. Involuntarily, I freeze motionless as well.

Please, no.

It's been too long since your last breath.

Ba-dum.

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm muttering without even thinking.

Please, don't go. There was so much we needed to do together...

I can feel the future slip away. The future I envisioned where you're here and everything's okay...

Ba-dum.

Your heart beats for the final time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger warning yet again for suicide.**

**Note:** Yeah... Blanche's point of view now.

**Also everyone... this story isn't technically second-person. The reader isn't a character in the story! Candela is talking to Blanche through thoughts! The "you" in the previous chapter was Blanche.**

So yeah. Continuation. Point of view of the dying character. Inspired by pSilence's answer fic to Last Exit, "So this is goodbye". Blanche and Haku have pretty different personalities (while I perceive Candela as being similar to Neru). It was nice to explore what an entirely different personality would be like in this role.

Also, Blanche has a badly-hidden crush on Candela here...

* * *

Well, this is it.

No use thinking about it now...

...I'm sorry.

...

Gah... my head. My body... Ouch...

I'm... I'm still alive? Why?

I... I hear... an ambulance...

I... guess it didn't work. Just like everything I attempt to do...

Wait. I hear voices... They... sound concerned.

No... shut up... please... I don't want this attention...

...

_Beep._

_Beep._

A steady beeping... Gosh, I hate that awful sound. I hate... the hospital...

I'm in the hospital...

No... Why couldn't I have just... died back then? Now all these people I've never even met have to worry about me...

I never... wanted that.

And... someone is there. Besides me.

Whoever you are... please, just go...

...

...Candela?

Wait... no... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have wanted you to go... Even if you weren't Candela... I'm sorry for wanting to push you away.

See? This is why I would've been better off dead! All I do is... hurt people...

...Wait, are you crying?

I... I've never seen you cry before... I can't take it.

No, please... don't cry...

Do you... really care about me that much?

Well... if it's you... it means a lot.

...I'm sorry.

Now I wish you just never had to have met me. I'm just making your life awful, right? With all my problems...

I just wasn't thinking back there when I did that. I... I should've known you'd be crushed. I should've known I would be hurting you.

Gosh, I'm such an idiot. A complete and utter fool.

...I'm really not the Queen of Knowledge. I don't get why you had always insisted on calling me that. I'm really nothing but Bland Blanche. Ha. Ha...

Oh, there's no use having a sense of humor about this... I'm not funny. I was never funny in the first place. Not like you... I've never told a good joke in my entire life... but you made the class laugh almost every day. You truly had a gift to spread joy and laughter. See? You're so much better than me... I couldn't ever do that...

I would... I would be telling you all this if I could.

But instead I'm dying. In the hospital. My skull feels like it's caving in. Wow. It's like I got run over or something...

Wait... that's exactly what happened!

...That... was another abhorrent joke I just mentally conjured up. Wow. Now I'm glad I'm not able to talk... or even move... I would've just made you cry harder at how utterly unfunny I am.

...I say that, yet I want to get up and hug you so badly. Anything to make you stop crying... Because it tears me apart seeing you like this. And it's my fault...

I'm so sorry.

Because... you... are my friend... None of this was because of you. The last thing I want is for you to blame yourself for this... In fact, it's because of you that I had the courage not to do this earlier...

But I still lacked the courage to even tell you that... I... I feel...

Augh! It hurts... no... everything hurts again... I feel faint...

Am I... am I going to make it...? Am I...

...

Ah... How much time had passed? A few minutes... or hours? Days? No... it couldn't have been days... that's impossible. But something tells me it's been... a while...

You aren't sobbing anymore... but your demeanor feels so empty.

I've... never seen you so devoid of your usual self. You must be worried sick.

My entire body feels like it's breaking down... Am I bleeding internally? Blunt force trauma, perhaps? I'm definitely suffering from a concussion... It would be a miracle if I'd ever be able to walk again...

It's becoming more apparent that even if I did live... I'd done so much damage to myself that my life would be completely different once I woke up from this coma...

I... really messed up. But the turmoil I had been feeling was so potent... I just wanted it to cease.

I'm not like you.

I'm not strong. I was never strong. I never had any sort of courage, not even to be direct with my emotions. Instead I just kept it in and let it all weigh me down.

I pretended not to care about what they said... how they treated me... but it hurt. It... broke me inside.

But you... You were the only person I could show it in front of. I couldn't tell anything to my cold, stern father. He wouldn't understand. He never understood. He raised me to feel nothing, but it ended up making me feel everything.

My future just seemed hopeless and bleak... I'm not even that smart... I just try extra hard... It's exhausting to study all night the way I do... But if I didn't, I would have had nothing going for me... Because I'm a useless, hopeless loser...

I just wanted to be able to stop feeling. Especially those emotions I have that would never be returned... Never mind.

...I'm glad you're not hearing any of my thoughts. But at the same time I just want to talk to you again. Because you... You're responsible for all those memories I had... The ones I'd do anything just to visit again...

Like that time I overworked myself that winter stressing over midterms... You came over with cookies and hot chocolate and made it all better... We played video games... then we went to the park and frolicked in the snow like two children... Being with you made everything fun, you know? Even studying for those finals... together...

The memories... thinking about them helps me relax... Ah... You're holding my hand... It feels warm...

Maybe... I can make it through this...

...

...

I feel faint...

I feel like I'm floating almost, strangely. But it still hurts like hell. Yet I feel faint... so faint... like I'm barely alive...

It can't be... It can't be that this is it...

No... please, no...

I messed up. I knew I messed up.

Because now I can't even see your face anymore. Or even feel you next to me. I know you're still there... but I don't feel a thing...

Well...

If this is really goodbye... then thank you. For your kindness. For everything.

You were always there for me. Even when I was being difficult. Even during those times I was crying in the bathroom and I just wanted to be alone... you refused to leave me alone until you saw me smile and knew everything was okay again...

That's... a great friend right there...

Don't ever feel like what you did wasn't enough... It wasn't your fault... It was my own stupid fault... For being... such an idiot...

I'm sorry for never believing your words of reassurance...

Ugh...

I just... wish I could've had another chance... to talk to you... Because I never got to tell you anything... Everything I felt for you... How important your friendship was to me...

If only I could properly talk to you one last time... and see your comforting face... and be in your arms, and...

No...

The pain... it's fading away... along with everything...

You're whispering something... I can't make out what it is, but...

Augh... My vision is fading... My senses... No... please...

No...

I can't...

I just... want to be... with you... together... again...

My...

Friend.

...

_Beeeeeeeee—_


End file.
